Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Story of Jerome Littleflower, part 2

The tale of Patrick's brother's kidnapped gnome ... These emails were sent from in July 2006.

For those just joining us, please scroll below for part 1.

Installment 2:

Dear Timothy,

We notice that you have FAILED to provide the requested ransom at the requested time. This failure is inexcusable. Perhaps you do not realize we are serious. Perhaps you are one of THOSE men who do not take us seriously. Perhaps you would like us to show you our seriousness. Perhaps we will demonstrate our utmost serious nature!

Yes. We will. In order to prove to you how SERIOUS this business is, we will submit Jerome to the utmost, unspeakable, horrorific tortures. And then, if you do not respond, we will torture him again.

Not being familiar with the torture of gnomes (usually, the families of our victims RESPOND to save their loved ones, and if they don't we execute), we queried the Internet. "How to Torture a Gnome." Unfortunately, this only turned up "Torture Victim Wanted" and a silly website. If you are silly enough to be interested in the unadventures of a silly garden gnome, you may read it. Gunther. Humph.

We are talking too much. You have until 5:13 AM on Thursday, July 6 to deliver $15,000 worth of antique thimbles divided into 7 Chinese urns at the same address as before. (You notice we are giving you more time, you lazy, selfish man.) If you do not comply, Jerome will SUFFER!

Remember Jerome.

Respectfully yours,

Alexis, Allisha, Amanda, Amber, Angel, Angela, Anna, Becca, Beth, Bo, Caprice, Carmen, Chelsie, Dawn, Desiree, Devon, Diva, Grace, Kayla, Holiday, Idalys, Jasimine/Brandy, J.J., Katya, Lynette, Marianne, Michelle, Mickey, Rachelle 2, Rita, Robin, Sam, Sherrie, Sidney, Tamara and Zena

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Princess Nijma

Princess Nijma