The Story of Jerome Littleflower, part 5

The tale of Patrick's brother's kidnapped gnome ... These emails were sent from tims_gnome_jerome@yahoo.com in July 2006.

For those just joining us, please scroll below for part 1.

Installment 5:

Deeah Teem, thees ees your nome Jayrome. Eye am riut-ing you frum sum weayr ulse. Sum weayr that ees not weayr you aar oor weayr Eye wuz. Eye am riut-ing you frum a majeecall playz, a playz fill uf wunders and majeec. Wiiy deed you nut tayk mee here, Teem? Teem, wiiy deed you nut tayk mee eneeweayr?

Eye weel tell you uboot thees playz, Teem. Eye dun’t nuw wiiy, you are meeen Teem and dun’t deeseerve eet, buut Eye weel tell you aneewayyys.

Een thees playz you can seee ull thee wurld, Teem, ull thee wurld et unce. Eye weel tell you, Teem.

Teem, feerst Eye weent to veesut mye reelutuves. Mye reelutuves leeve in thees playz, Teem, thees amayzeeng playz.

Afteer Eye veesuted mye reelutuves, and told theem abut mye lyfe (theye haytes you, Teem, they duz), Eye weent sumewayre eels.

Theen, Teem, I weent to the Amricun Hayrtlaynd. Eet wuz red.

Teem, nuxt wuz thee Alaskuh. Een thee Alaskuh eet ees cold, theye tulled me thayt. Eye sawed thayt eet was cold, tooo. Veery cold, Teem, you shud hayv beeen theyr. Eet wuz cold liyk your hart, Teem.

Thee next theeng wuz to go sumwayr wurmer. Sumwayr warmer, Teem, nut lyk your hart.

Theyn Eye weent to Thee Wurm Cuntry. Eye ferget wat eet wuz culled. Eet wuz wurmer and niyce. Eye ated bananas.

Sow, Teem, wat doo you theenk? Doo you weesh you wuz heer? Eye thut so. Eet gets butter.

Nayxt Eye weent to Sweeserlund. Eye ayt chez.

Beecuz Sweeswerlund wuz so creemey, Eye needed sumthing refreshing.

Thayt is almost thee end, Teem. Bhut Eye weent won mur playz.

Theee Smuuthee Eees KEENGG!!