Combat Goes to a Whole New Level

The sun hasn't yet tinged the dark morning sky, and your squad patrols through the dense jungle, tense with anticipation and fear. The humidity blankets you, smothering your breath and making each step an effort. The enemy is everywhere, and yet nowhere. Your muscles quiver with the exhaustion of hours of expectation.

Suddenly - POW! One of your men is down! Pow! Pow! Pow! Violence flies past you on every side. Phwap! Phwap! Fast and furious they come, the mini marshmallows, wrecking havoc left and right, but all you see is the white flash of their trails and perhaps, just perhaps, through the foliage a glimmer of pvc pipe in the distance.

The mini-marshmallow gun, I have recently discovered, is a thing of pure beauty. Well, it will be, until Patrick gets one and starts using it in the house, pelting the cat and leaving sticky, shrivelled mini marshmallows for the ants to come and devour in bits.

Lampertum!

"That which initially impressive but, upon further consideration, was found to be distinctly less so."

Spread the word. Literally. Lampertum!

So as to facilitate comprehension and dissemination, I'll give a few examples:

• Sadly, Mary's date turned out to be rather lampertum, as became evident when he chipped her tooth while trying to make out with her.
• The concert was lampertum, especially because the lead singer persisted in belting out lines in spite of his distinctive bronchitis.
• See also: The Mullet. For one approaching a mullet-wearer from the front, the experience may be lampertum.